I find it hard to connect with people my age, even harder with people within my religious corner: evangelicals. I said it too often but I feel drawn to the doubters, the “used-to-be-angry-with church (God)-not-anymore” kind.

If somebody would feel like making my inner portrait (how impertinent am I) here are some pieces accidentally fallen in other people’s lives:

“It is in quiet moments, when I have nothing to do, that I feel connected.  Ironically I am surrounded by people most of the time, but we are all going if different directions.  I have lost the ability to be in the moment with others.  My mind is constantly working on a checklist that must be completed.  Problem is the list just keeps growing.  There is no done, just ignoring.

Growing up, I felt most connected at church.  But it was a very structured connection.  There were tight rules and boundaries.  There was a chasm between “us” and “them.”  A poor substitute for what I am experiencing now.

I have erased most of the religious experiences of my childhood.  But now there is room, room for new discoveries.  I am sticking my toe back into the universe of faith.  But I am trying to enter the water naked.  Not weighed down with tightly binding clothes I have accumulated over time.

This too may lead to a dead end.  But maybe it is the start of something new.”

Stolen from here

A sample from a poem

“I still believe in You even though we never speak

I’ve been meaning to ask You about that

Is it because I’m the chaff and not the wheat?

Why this burning desire?

Only to remain this fruitless tree?…”

“The Crab bucket” is the name of this blog, an interesting way to picture our world.

The blog’s motto says it all:

“If one crab elevates themself above all, the others will grab this crab and drag’em back down to share the mutual fate of the rest of the group.”

The post’s theme is the author’s feelings about God which “…devolved, evolved, changed, gone away, come back, gone away and come back again. Buddha joins him, science joins him, and doubt also always drags along…”

The end of the story is, as I hoped while reading it, positive and realistic:

“…And here is how I feel about God; the energy that drives me. He is like my own metaphorical sweet old uncle who hugs me when I am down and puts me back on this foundation and helps me to breathe. I do not believe in all of the other pomp & circumstance that goes with it…”

But enough said about myself.

What’s your story now?

Thanks to the contributors for opening their souls and letting me (I hope) benefit.

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5 Responses to Self(ish)portrait

  1. DanutM says:

    Thanks a lot, again, Sam, for these refreshing quotes.

  2. Camix says:

    What would you need them (those your age, those within your religious corner) to be more like to help you want their presence more?

    • sam says:

      I wish I could answer that.
      What I can see is that my corner is less and less religious.
      I don’t have regrets in this respect though.

  3. I am glad you found some meaning in my poem. Religion is something that seems to unite on the surface, but as you go along it only serves to separate and isolate.

    • sam says:

      You are right about isolation; I used to hide in crowded places 🙂
      Too often religion does a damn good job in hiding rather than revealing God.

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